Friday, August 29, 2008

Finally, i've found someone.

SUPER GLAD THAT I've FOUND HIM.

ENVIOUS???

weeee...

BUT THE PROBLEM IS....

he hasn't found me yet ))):

THAT'S ALL.

BOOO. i shall dream of you then.

heehee

사랑해.

saranghaeyo (:

Thursday, August 28, 2008

ASHLEY and MICHELLE )):


i need you two.
BOOHOO.!!


can i not go and check up?

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Saranghaeyo!

isnt him CUTE, is he?

OH MY, tell me i'm crazy pls >.<

DONT WATCH KOREAN SERIES, THEY GET YOU STUCK ON IT

and you MIGHT NEVER RECOVER BACK FROM THE CUTE-NESS the ACTRESS AND ACTORS have..

GONG YOO, SARANGHAEYO! >.<

okok, QINGHUI wake up wake up T.T

Monday, August 25, 2008

hmmmm, dead on bed for 2 days le >.<
didnt go work.
Stomach ache like mad. BOO ):

and i didnt use my illness as an excuse, you guys didnt even know until now.
nah, no use talking to people who have gave up on me (:
heehee


oh ya!
Thanks Lucy for letting me sleep throughout work.
Thanks Ivan for buying Milo for me, covering my shift with Lucy and letting me nagged at work. xD
Thanks Vivek for coming early and still wanting to send me home =p
Thanks An Min for calling me and asking to recover soon, no worries, i will buy you sweets !
Thanks Marianne for sms-ing me. heehee.
Thanks Rai for talking to me, you dropped some on my burdens. =3


Thanks Michelle x3 and Ashley.
Thanks Michelle Chan, Michelle Kam and Michelle Neo for not giving me up.
Thanks Ashley for being always here and understanding me as usual and talking sense into me.
Especially Michelle Kam/Neo which listens to my naggings =P

and michelle kam, thanks for the transferred money for medication (:
can never find someone as good as you!



What am i doing?
Counting my blessings~
heehee.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Alright, i just want to thanks Alex for the wake up call.
I will reflect on my actions.
and, i didnt promise i will come to school early just for your information.

You didnt know what happened all in all.
So, don't take it like you've known me for ages.

empty vessels make the most noise.
that's what you meant right?
i agreed on it too (:
To you, to them, i maybe one of them.
But who really knows what is happening to me?
No one does.

Do you know that i actually need to go counselling?
Do you know my health is deteriorating?
and do you know that i have Bulimia?
You don't.

and you told me that you're a FNN student.
So i guess you know what Bulimia leads to (:


When you said that i'm fat, i know you're joking.
i totally know.
But do you think i want it? Just to tell you, i don't.

I'm glad that you said that you want to accompany your honey, to support her.
Good, because it shows that you're a good boyfriend.
But the last minute withdrawl is because of me?
Just don't push the blame on me.
I hate it when people do this.
Don't make me laugh?
Have i really got such big power on influencing you?
I don't think so..

If you don't want to go, just say it.
Don't say that i'm the one..



"Some give you chance and go out with you despite my withdrawal"
so you mean that you actually wanted to psycho the whole lot of them not to go out with me?
Alex, thanks.
I didn't know you're such kind of people.
and again, just for your information.
you're the one that organised the firework.
you remember?
or you don't. Opps...
And even if you don't give me face, at least.
at least, give face for michelle, haopeng, joey and huiru.
because they didnt go cause of me, they go cause of you who organised the whole firework.
(and to TinGuan, i didnt go this outing because of firework.)


"Put it bluntly, I got so many friends and it is okay for me to lose one. I have their supports as much as I support them."
Wow, i didnt know losing one friend is nothing to you.
haha, you make me laugh at my foolish-ness.
Because when you said that you gave up on me, i feel a surge of heartache.
but i didnt know you add on with this sentence.
maybe good things come in pair.
they just add on to your heartache.

maybe.

you said that you gave up on me?
It's okay.
Because i've gave up on myself too. (:

Saturday, August 23, 2008

It really pissed me off when *Hilary keep whinning that she wants to vomit.
Because i already did what i can do to show her all the sour stuffs that can be bought.
And Hilary choose none to save herself from the naueous feeling but just keep on whinning that she's so damn full and then she's on the verge of vomitting. =.="
Tell me, what can i do?

Huh? Tell me should i carry her when i didnt eat any fucking things except a bowl of teeny weeny congee that cannot even last me for an hour?
Or should i run to 7-11 to buy something that she likes?

It's just so funny when she herself dont even want to buy, and then you guys pushing all the fault on to me.
She wants something sour? i also need something to fill my hungry stomach that is damn fucking pain.
Oh, did i tell you guys i had a gastric pain just now?
i forget, she's more important.. (:


and stop saying that i dont want to ask you guys to go together.
because someone wants to vomit so badly and me?
nevermind la, i just have some "minor headache" (and i didnt tell you all i have gastric pain).
so i should accompany her right? (:
i know, that's why i went to 7-11 with you guys.



I don't know. Maybe i had a huge headache that really really affects my mood.
Or maybe i'm just super hungry plus a stupid headache that make me as dangerous as a Volcano.
Oh, not maybe. It affects..

No one cares whether i'm hungry or not.
When i eat something i like it so much (cotton candy), someone said something so insensitive to me.
Oh, i'm sorry maybe i'm just feeling super cranky because i ate nothing at all (:
nah, it's my fault for not eating before i come.


yes like someone who vowed, i promise, today will be the second last.
and sentosa will be the last.
oh ya, i will eat damn fucking full before i go. (: no worries ya.
I wont even beg you all to go with me...






fireworks is nice (:
least it lifted up my mood for a while.



i have to sleep.
gosh! not enough sleep le.


*names changed to keep identity sealed.
and please be reminded this is my ranting place.
so i have absolute right to say what i feels.
Because the feeling of "no one listens" really sucks. (:
so, if you dont like it.
i really have no idea what i can do..


NO HARD FEELINGS peep! (:

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I've decided to excel in my super duper lousy ENGLISH!!

and not to say my CHINESE TOO!!

I want to be good in my languages since my head cannot squeeze in science and maths..


THEREFORE, i want to read 2 BOOKS in ONE MONTH.

i also want to learn SPANISH and FRENCH.
Nevertheless, i will still want to continue my PIANO DREAM after everything is done.

And no, i didnt forget my ambitions.
i promise, i will achieve them one by one.

Since i'm so cursed in FATE.
I shall WORK on SOMETHING that DOESNT REQUIRE FATE;
THAT IS MYSELF (:

It's NOT about how GOOD you CAN BE, BUT how GOOD you WANNA BE!


QINGHUI, jiayou jiayou!
PULL up your SOCKS and get yourself going! (:


很多事都在我不能预料中，
在我没办法去保护自己时发生。
把自己害得全身都是好深的伤。
我，在那时刻，领悟了。。。

Labels: or not.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Wow, busy busy month I’m leading right now.
Work.Outing.Work.Outing.
Tsk, never ending.

This week my Taiwan relatives came over to my house because my Grandmother just passed away.
And, because of them, I had never ending laughter, jokes, and not to say, FOOD !
Even though the real intention is my Grandmother but it's not yet 49 days.
So, we can't go to the cemetry.

Yes, Huihui gaining weight already )):
I guess what I’ve jogged cannot burn what I’ve eaten these few days.
The amount is INCREDBILE much.
Congrats HuiHui, you’re a BINGE! ):
HAHA!

Oh yes, super happy about one thing.
I WENT TO NIGHT SAFARI!
Heehee. It’s pretty interesting, but what a pity, we didn’t take the trail walk.
We just sat on the tram for 25 – 30 mins.
And what makes it more pity is that, no phototakings.
ok, actually we can, but it's so dark in there.
But no flashes are allowed.
So, BOOHOO~ no pictures )):
Well, memories will be good enough for me!
heehee (:

DingDong DingDong!!!!
one more thing!
My workplace got a huge amount of BOOKS piling up !!
Let me tell you what I’ve took. =p
Oops, and I’ve forgotten to tell you.
It’s a secret!

Books are my current addiction now.
Hehee. *lalala*


First,
The Five People you meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom.

Second,
Me talk Pretty one day by David Sedaris.

Third,
Alphabet weekends (Love on the road from A to Z) by Elizabeth Noble.

Fourth,
The Lost Duke of Wyndham by Julia Quinn.

Fifth,
Two Caravans by Marina Lewycka.

Sixth,
The Pure Lady by Alan Spence.

Seventh,
Here on Earth by Alice Hoffman.

Eighth,
The Boy by Jodi Piccoult.


So, make a guess.
How long will my addiction last?
hmmm. i also dont know.

not to say, but i've started picking up good habits.
hee.
Jogging, Reading, Working, Playing Comp for only a bit per day(for a lil leaisure).

Didn't know that HuiHui could be so "WOW, you're finally not a crazy girl"
HAHAH!
Shock Shock? =p

YOU SHOULD BE.
Treasure this moment, cause i can bet my head.
It's not gonna last!
Wahahaha!


Enjoy everyone. (:

Thursday, August 14, 2008

I guess i always have problems with other people.
Maybe due to my character.
Think so.. *sigh*
Life isn't as pleasant as what storybook promised as it is..
But I guess my bigger flaw is my character.
I always keep things from people,
I stayed quiet not telling anything,
all these.. Isn’t there to create miscommunication between us….

Not because I don't trust you all.
Not because I feel insecure about myself; about what I’m doing.

But because I know I can handle problems on my own,
or rather it's the problem between that person and me.
So, why let you guys get involved and put all in great disadvantage?
The most important part is,
because I need people (especially YOU) to trust me...
I need people to trust me that i can cross over a hurdle.
I need people to trust me that i can survive during a big crisis.
I need your trust, your support.
But I don’t need your siding, like how you supported that person.
Like how you throw me away when you didn’t get acknowledgement from me.
And all these happened because I wanted you to trust me.
It's that easy, if you had.
"If" is the word.
All wouldn't have happened.
Did you trust me all along, or did you forget? (:
and I don't want arguments to happen when things go wrong.
I don't want you to worry about me.
Because I know, I know HuiHui has the abilities to pick up the rotten pieces.
And even though, I love to linger in the past.
BUT I know, ME, GOH QING HUI will move on (be it reluctantly or willingly) to be a better person.

That is, IF you had trusted me.. in the first place (:
Viola~

So, after everything, after this semester ended,
you get what I’m doing?
I hope, for now.
Everything will end..


Reality VS Dream
Head VS Heart
Fighting VS Living Struggling VS Relaxing
Real VS Fake

Which side are you on?

I don't know.
Am I waiting?
Am I still fighting for my own right?
Am I still stuck?
I hope I’m not.
Because he don't deserve it.
I deserve a better one.. (:

OH YA. TINGUAN~ I'm so PAISEH la!!
Anyway I’m still glad that I can talk to him despite all the stupid things i said.

and i didnt know i can have so much hatred in such a small heart.
I guess, it's overflowing..


heehee.
Last day of school was ok.
But I’m so tired.
Shared and bought a high heel for Michelle.
LOL. I just give little bit only. =p
Hope she like it. (:

I wanted to write something more on my emotions.
But it's filling with hatred )):
I don’t want to write something that is filled with anger.


Happiness, don't go far away from me.
To have happiness is such easy thing to do.
But to maintain it, will it be difficult as getting it?

HuiHui, you have to wait okay..
Have some patience.
Time will show you everything. (:


Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me
Almost lovers always do..

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be..

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done...


I wanna go Zoo, SOMEONE! Bring me there ):

Monday, August 11, 2008

i'm back to my jogging frenzy days!
((:
i want to be more slim !
i want to change, yes change!

So many things happened.
Sorted out everythingg ((:
heehee.

Huihui is back!!

Oh ya, today is MICHELLE'S BIRTHDAY LAHHH!
Happy Birthday Princess.
Hope you have a wonderful year ahead~!
and i think i know your 3rd wish (:
believe in yourself, give it a try.
and who knows, it might come true.
cause i know, in everyone's case, miracle does happen.. (:
Never give up!
Jiayou (: MUACKKKKSSSS!

one who loses friend, loses much.
But one who loses faith, loses all (:

heehee
Went ORCHARD. LOL.
I just can't stop touching TinGuan, Elmi and Darren..
HAHA!
hmmmm, tomorrow last day of W47E.

I don't know how will i be feeling.
My reflexes are damn slow..
i hope that i will be okay.
*Pray hard hard*

HOHOHO, and you know what.
TinGuan give me a kiss. xDD
heehee.
Shall give him more tomorrow! =p
He said "i dont anyhow kiss ppl one"
but he still kiss me !
opps!

Teehehehee.


I'm feeling good now?
heehee.
but sometimes still have the heart-wrenching/heart-crunching feeling ):
i dont know why.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

if i could,
if i could,
i would put everything down.
that is, if i could....

but too bad, i have to.
let me learn the hard way,
let me stand strong.
Because i have to independent.
Because; i have to regain everything on my feet again.
because....
HuiHui has to be strong right?? ((:


can't be wistful in the past.
since i knew that not everyone can stand by me.
i have to learn; learn to be alone
learn to be strong;
learn not to be so vulnerable;
learn to be selfish;
learn how to be myself..


You know, just take everything and leave.
I don't need it at all (:
I don't.

Trust me; i'm able to get back on my feet swiftly
this time, even faster (:

Labels: catch me =D

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Great, it was them, then my grandma, then YOU.

Proven, promises are MEANT to be broken (:

Cheers.
i dont know whether should i cry or laugh.




HuiHui is so tired of losing everything.
Just leave me alone..
I don't know wanna know.
I don't wanna see.

Just go.




Tell me, really, what am i losing now?

give me some hints,
give me some time to be prepared.
Don't be so hard on me.

I need time.
I really need time to arrange my feelings.

Just stayed with me for a while more and go.
Don't leave me hanging there.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
no, you can go.
i need to learn to grow up.



HuiHui. jiayou ah
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou.

好奇怪的是，我的心好痛好痛。
因为连朋友也要这样子。

why?
why when i always gained back my smiles;
someone dear to me (be it friends or anyone) has to take it away from me?
why?

i miss my grandmother terribly..

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Jut reminiscing....
No more...
No more kissing me on my forehead while I'm small.
No more looking at her while she sleeps away..
No more asking her to protect me when my parents want to beat me.
No more family gathering because of her presence..
No more..
Everything is gone.

And yeap, i miss her terribly.
Things happened so fast..
And till certain extent, I've moved on..
But yet, at some point, i didn't even move an inch....

I don't know.
Maybe my reflexes are slow, i only feel the heart pain until now.
And thanks W47E for supporting me during this phrase of my bits and pieces of life.
Thanks Aloysius to come down and visit me even you just finished your swimming training..
Thanks Jerome for letting me nag at him for the most ridiculous reason.
Thanks Ashley and Michelle though you guys can't it.
Thanks XiuHui for telling me that I'm not the only one cause she understand my pain too..
Thanks. I couldn't express my gratitude more.

I don't know what is an ending and what is a beginning..
Ending because something had happened or
beginning because everything has ended?


Lost.
Speechless.
Moodless.
I think i need some time to arrange my feelings back.
To get back myself.

Oh, and i sprained my ankle.
See, how stupid am i.
Sigh.. I don't know whyy.

Labels: stick it out to the end.

Friday, August 1, 2008

The smell of Death still lurks in my nose...
I just feel that everything happened so fast,
so fast that i could hardly accept the fact that she's gone.

I have a huge craving for sweet stuffs.
And i thought SUGAR can make me happy.
I gobble so many chocolates, sweets..
Yet, nothing seems to help..

I thought she'd be fine.
I thought she's going to come out from hospital.
I thought.. she can survive longer after the medication.

Everything seems to be in a vague after she left.
and i wonder why..
I feel so restless..
And will our family still have the normal gathering as usual?

Why Why Why?
I just feel lost.
I thought i won't cry.
I thought i wont feel that heartpain.
But i'm just so wrong.

Guess life is always like this.
Everytime i'm alone,
The heart crunching feeling just act up so fast that i could even block it.

I should get going...
30/07/2008 the glamorous day that she leave her sufferings at 0011.
I'm glad that so many people were there to send her off.
I'm glad i'm there.
I'm glad.
i'm glad.
so glad. i cannot explained how happy i am.
I didnt miss anything.
I talked to her.
I held her hands like how she would hold mine when i'm small.

and i think,
i'm missing her more than usual (:

kisses

youyouyou.

I loved you when the skies are red;
and it's turning blue now..

You might be thinking;
But i really miss your soft sweet lips on my lip.

sshhh...

leave me alone

FRIENDS
-ASH-
-ALOYSIUS-
-ANDY-
-CLEFF-
-JIAMING-
-JOEL-
-KEL-
-REBECCA-
-ZHIHAO-


FAMILIES
-EDMOND-
-SEOKKIAN-
-XIAOHUI-
-XIAOSI-


W47E
-HUIRU-
-TINGUAN-
-AIN-
-JOEY-
-MICHELLE-
-RAHMAN-


W45Q
-SHU XIAN-
-JESSIE-
-ELLY-
-VIGNETTE-
-FABIAN-
-WENDY-
-NINA-
-FIFI-

wounds &&tears

July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
December 2008

credits x x x