Unswathe the enigma in me

forget about yesterday

2008-12-28T03:21:00.002+08:00

Luckily, i didn't take away my blogger.

Alright, i'm just being selfish!

Wanted to have the best of both side.

I meant wordpress and blogger.

Anyway, nobody read this..

(feeling dumb, because nobody reads this)

Just wanna tell those who stumble on here

Merrryyy~ Christmas! (belated one luh!)

and

HAPPY NEW YEAR :D

I think blogging is a venting outlet for me.

And this explains the emo and angry posts that i have been posting.

As well as happy ones!

I feel much better when i blogged everything out.

At least someone here is taking my explanation and yea.

I'm free (till a certain extend) to say whatever i like.

Aiya, i am sad again luh.

Because i realised i've been doing personality test and horoscope to know myself better.

and it's bad. very bad.

Not a right way to know what am i feeling.

I feel lost, 茫然

at a loss, i dont know what is happening to me.

The mixed feelings just came rushing to me.

and i am over sensitive to things beside me.

(This explains why that i had lost my cool alot of times to my manager)

(I know i am naughty luh! i feel very bad already)

My chest feels so tight.

Till i thought something bad will happen.

I dont know.

New year is coming.

And i am not excited about it.

So unlike me..

P.S I have a little secret to share.

These few days, i had alot of panic attacks.

I woke up dreaming or day-dreaming that the world is coming to an end.

Yes, i am very afraid.

For the first time i am so afraid of eating, bathing, taking public transportation, and as well as now (using computer).

Recession hit us already.

And the reason is? Fuel.

Fossil fuel to be exact.

China already built nuclear plants so that they no need to be so dependent on fuel.

I am getting paranoid. You can say why am i feeling so down now.

(i know that there's no use worrying)

Ok ok. This is partially the reason why i am walking to so many places =.=

Not exercising, i know i am fat but i walked because i need to walk my worries off.

call me crazy.

I've walked from my house to east coast rd, those bungalows there. (even though i love to have one of those ;p )

I've walked from my house to pasir ris dog farm.

I've walked to tamp interchange.

Okay. i live in tampines.

But it's just that, WHO WANT TO JOIN ME FOR WALKING?!!?!?!?!?

tell me OK! ;p

feels bored to walk along.

and my mum is the victim that was being pulled along by me.

heehee.

i love you mummy ;p

2008-10-23T19:57:00.001+08:00

I am not EVIL.

But I don't wish you well, neither :)

2008-10-13T20:38:00.003+08:00

I feel giddy, nausea, frustrated, aches everywhere especially my HEAD and whatever that doesnt feel right.

The medication HAS terrible SIDE-EFFECTS.

Fucking MED. and why AM I STILL fucking eating it?

I'm not letting this to STOP my life and then start depending on the stupid capsules.

Yes, the blue and transparent capsule that make me feel so fucked up.

until i almost broke down today.

Argh, I have fucking lousy determination.

Whatever, i need to get a life.

I need to get over the pills.

They sucks.

I'm so gonna throw it away;

INTO the TOILET BOWL

INTO the PEOPLE's WATER BOTTLE THAT I HATE.

INTO the DRAIN!

INTO the SINK!!!!!!!

Where is my used to be confidence?

COME BACK COME BACK!

09oct08 - my "Birthday" :D

I need to love myself !!!!

2008-10-07T22:20:00.006+08:00

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

I take this test here !

You guys can go and try :D

2008-10-07T00:12:00.003+08:00

I think I'm a super cry baby;

I just realised that..

When my pay was given out "wrongly" on a super ~~happy~~ friday night;

I cried, because the total pay was less than $140 when it should be around $300 plus and my total bills that i have to pay is more than $180.

I cried even more when my work manager treat me unfairly comparing to a stupid A&G girl while complaining to my colleague about how stupid is that girl.

I cried like mad when my another manager and colleague wanted to cheer me up by buying me MacDonald and Gelare ice cream.

I cried non-stop that day or i mean, that night.

Yes, that sinister NIGHT!

And I guess I scared away a super cute (& tall!) crew cabin, because I was serving him with two big watery red eyes.

Despite all my crying, I can't even sleep that day.

Well, I did sleep for a few hours but it was TOTALLY insufficent for the night shift later on..

(later on = which is on Saturday night).
I was rolling here and there in my bed.

Terrible day to sleep..

And when i see my bills, I want to cry again. =.=

I guess my eye water tap isn't fixed properly on that stupid day.

Albeit all the reasons they gave me, like changing the cut-off date of my pay,

I still feel very very very UNSATISFIED with their explanations!

Should they do anything about our pay, they first must inform us and not act on their free will!

I mean, this is a standard thing to do what..

RAHHHHH :( !!!!

I HATE THEM FOR DELAYING MY PAY!

Tml having UT and I can't sleep even though I asked LEK to go sleep.

Haiyo..

I need money lah!

I HATE MY COMPANY =.=

Like, i so hate them for making me cry and delaying my pay!

ARGHHHH :(

I may not be right all the times, but at least I don't try to be wrong on purpose..

Zzzzzzz.. going to sleep le =(

2008-10-06T13:25:00.003+08:00

An idle mind is a devil's playground.

Talked about so many stuffs.

And i've seen through LIFE matters.

I guess even if we can't move on;

we have to; have to

no matter what, crawl through the fire and find a exit.

And maybe then we can know that,

there's actually a lot of ways to solve the problem.

And maybe by crawling out of the fire is better than rushing through the smoke that the fire produced.

What do you think?

Have you in any moment in your life regretted doing something that you shouldn't do?

Well, we shouldn't.

Because it's our regrets that formed us a better man.

We should learn how to love our regrets.

Regrets are part of our upbringing, they let you become a stronger person. (:

Jin Min, jiayou :D

2008-10-03T20:26:00.001+08:00

I hate the before-rain smell...

It got the distinctive smell of that day when we were caught in the rain together.

I hate the rain.

I hate this part right here

2008-10-03T19:42:00.002+08:00

Dont ask me why i never go school today.

Today, I don't even feel alive.

I just wish i could just sleep, and dream and dream.

Dream like there's no tomorrow..

I'd rather woke up with nightmares...

than the sweet dream of you and me.....

bring me away.

It was you and me;

i'm whinning and you're laughing away at my stupid-ness..

We were stealing;

stealing each other's heart..

We were conversing;

conversing till our mouths meet.

We were together.

I dont exist anymore.

When sanity comes, i'll disappear..

2008-10-03T00:43:00.002+08:00

Watched the movie called "Connected" 保持联络,

this movie is actually based on a New Line Cinema motion picture "Cellular"

It's pretty nice, and EXCITING.

古天乐(Louis Khoo) and 徐熙媛(Barbie Hsu) are the main characters.

Louis Khoo is da SEX! He's still as cute as ever.

Don't say i hum sup, but he's really cute in the movie.

And i like him like since 9093182773 kuku years ago..

Tell me, how can i not drool over him?

But, Michelle and Ashley doesn't like Louis,

they think that he's too old.

I think that Louis is too cute lar. Wahahaha.

They like this guy called 陈家乐(Carlos Chan) which is Barbie Hsu's brother in the movie..

There you go, his photo..

Not to deny, he's cute too.

But i like old guys lar.

Heehee.

And i found out something,

I have the face "If you got stead pls come and tell me, i wanna congrats you" that kind of face...

So why is everyone asking me whether i found my love already or not? =.=

Gosh..

I'm SUPER JEALOUS ok!

Because i have NO BOYFIE~!

Okay la, the movie is 2 thumbs up for me.

But Ashley felt like it's an advertising ground.

True la.

But it's still nice, trust me !

HONGKONG fighting movie never fails; but the story line is expected.

BOO..

I want LOUIS KHOO as husband.

awwww.

2008-09-30T16:38:00.002+08:00

Jogging, anime-ing, schooling, and working has been my life.

Gosh, stupid and dumb i know.

NO LIFE; but oh well.

I have to fight against TIME for what i've always wanted.

TRAVELLING...~

But Vignette and MinYuan has been my <3

'cause they SPUR, SPURRING and SPURRED me on FOR JOGGING.

wooohoooo~

I feel that life has been great for me.

Totally~

Freeze this moment..

Because i feel like i am MYSELF. (:

No peer pressure.

No financial pressure.

No family pressure.

Yet just school pressure.

heehee.

BUT I can HANDLE it.

Because i'm stronger than who you thought i should be (:

bahhhh~ going to work soon.

I LOVE MY CUTE DOG la =X

OKAY, i'm MAD!

2008-09-30T13:20:00.002+08:00

You often have problem in promoting yourself, just because you don't know how to express your true self.

On the other hand, you don't really care what they think.

This is why people misunderstand you until they really get a chance to learn about your pleasant personality.

Opposite sex find you mysterious and worth searching.

Your wit is remarkable but sometimes you are too fast to follow.

Your Love, You won't reveal your feeling even after dreaming about the same guy over and over.

Your first love lasts forever.

You are responsible to the feeling of your lover.

The chance to betray your lover is none.

You have luck with children.

That's what my birthday means.. LOL

2008-09-29T18:14:00.001+08:00

I take back my words.

I'm not missing anyone~

weeeee hooooo~!! (:

2008-09-28T22:52:00.003+08:00

What a weird dream...
A brillant madness that burns as fiercely as the crimson blood.

Is this a premonition? or just a normal dream?

I feel you near me once again..

And WTF was i thinking?!

Today work with Lucy, Raihanah, Mariana and Rizall.
And yes, I miss IVAN !

I droolled..........*bangwall*
It's super paiseh la...

"I dont mind crossing your path again.
I just want to hug you tight..
And maybe to be just with you as long as i can remember anything.
You should know you're the key to my heart.
And perhaps, i should just stop trying.. (:

For once, bravely and openly...
3 years in agony..
Can't post what i want to..
Now....
I just wanna tell you, I miss you Tan Zhi Hao.."

And and and and...
I think I WANT TO GO JOGGING NOW.
I've GOT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ANIME to WATCH!!!

Grrrrr~!

Be gone with the wind...

2008-09-25T20:18:00.005+08:00

Your love is like a marked way to the dead, silence lych-gate.

I hate you.

I've never despise someone so much.

You're the first.

I'm not a funambulist, i dont balance myself on the rope.

Yet, you put me on the rope hoping i could walk on it myself.

I fall and fall, yet the one who caught me;

isn't you..

I'm not a object.

So as far as i know, I'm not a commondity that is fungible.

But, you treated me like one.

What am i suppose to do?

No, i'm not a hammy,

and i thought you are one of them.

Stop showing off. (:

you're nothing, nothingg...

I've been operosely reading novels.

anddd... been watching anime also lahh.

heehee.

I think i'm an onomatomania..

I'm so obessed with this word called "Labyrinthian"

yes, and it's how i'm feeling now...

Life never promise that it will be fair..

nevermind! (:

anyway, ANIME is the sexxxx and loveeeeeeee!

Minyuan is love <3

Okay, i'm feeling down.

I guess emo is a virus that can be spreaded.

and i just got mine =.="

Resistance is futile.

But, getting into the tangled, messy web isn't fun at all..

Qinghui, untangled it and go out of the sticky WEB!

The more i know, the less i understand.

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter

But my will gets weak

And my heart is so shattered

But I think it's about forgiveness

Forgiveness...

Even if, even if you don't love me anymore..

It's the end, isn't it?

2008-09-24T19:48:00.003+08:00

I just feel like DYING lahh!

Please don't watch too much sweet stuffs and dramas.

FANTASY, tell me where is reality?!

labyrinthine maze

2008-09-24T08:59:00.003+08:00

It's been such a long time since I blogged!
It's like 9.07am and I'm still at home.
I don't feel like going to school, because it's raining so heavily..
Rain, rain, rain...why does it always make me feel soooo... lonely and sad?

Anyway, back to topic!
I shall use short and simple sentences;
and write in a bimbo way.
Hahaha~!

Qhui is feeling better these few days.
Qhui is crazy about losing weight.
Qhui is still having blocked nose and flu. )):
Headaches attack are quite often too!!!
All in all, Qhui hates being sicked for so LONG !

Qhui is totally in love with Japanese Anime.
Qhui love Ghost Hunt.
Qhui love Death Note.
Qhui love Lovely Complex.
And I must admit, she's been a little lonely.
Looking at Joey with her hwj,
HaoPeng with his "aiai",
SeokKian with her sweet BF,
Amaliya with her middle orange (in spain middle orange means another spouse),
Christopher with his Kaya girl,
Nadia with her new BF,
Ashley with his new crush. (and that crush is interested in him).
Jessie with her dear Weiyi,
Fifi with her chinese boyfiee~,

So many happy endings.
Qhui is happy for them;
however she wants someone for herself too (:
Met so many wrong guys...
It's time for someone real !
She believe that fate will store surprises for her!

Ok lahh, it's damn irritating to write like this. hahaha.
I need to go do something!
Blog more later and post more pictures!
hee.

a labyrinthine maze in my mind.
Just so you know.. (:

Full and contented?

2008-09-16T23:13:00.003+08:00

Today is the 49th day after my Grandmother passed away..
Well, relatives came over my house to pray to my Grandmother.
Quite a busy day of chatting, eating and of course, bonding. (:
Played some DOTA/Hero Siege; it's interesting i would say..
Because of the noob me, we had to use cheat codes so that my cousins can show me how to play Hero Siege.
Hahaha, i know, i lousy mah!

Had some food for thoughts pass the weekend,
felt that all things were unnecessary.
All the truths; all the lies; all the feelings; all the thinking; all the actions; all the promises.
They were nothing, but just troubles doubles for me.
Sometimes, when thing goes out of hand,
all we need to do is to let go.

They said that letting go means you're a coward.
But i feel that to let go of something you adore/love,
actually requires lots of courage.
When we often like something, we want to be surrounded by them.
To put down something you adore/love so much that we have emotional ties with them,
it's such a painful things to do.
Do you feel like this too? I do.
Once again, who doesn't has a broken heart before? (:

I feel much more better now.
Clarity is all i needed.
I feel better when he+she doesn't talk to me.
I like it when he+she doesn't even say hi.
I love it when he+she gives me cold shoulder.
know why?
Because it means that we guys are over, yes over.
We are much less than even acquaintance;
maybe even less that something i recongized.

Even when i say "Hi", it doesn't show anything..
Even when i smile, it doesn't mean i am happy when i see you..
Even when i say "How are you", it doesn't mean i care.
Afterall, i'm just being crude to people who doesn't deserve anything much.
Nah, i won't even call your name or call to you.
Maybe you will find the sound familiar when i said "hi".
Maybe you will find my smile familiar when i always use that to cheer you guys up.
Maybe you will find my concerning more than a friend.
Maybe, till then, you will find a stranger infront of you. (:

Anyway, back to topic!
Today had my dinner with HongWei, Judy, ML and me.
tsktsk, the whole dinner cost $120.45.

Guess what!?
HongWei footed the bill!!!!!!
Woohooo, such chivlary!! *clap clap*
Charismatic right?! *wolf whistling*
Then we had our walk at Marina Square;
the dinner was so full that i wanna explode already.
Even till now i could still taste the Soft shell crab with Spaghetti in Wafu cream tomato sauce behind my throat.
And the lesson is?
Dont eat soft shell crab, the taste lingers!

but anyway, the macha ice cream with waffle is nice.
And i feel like eating poached egg!
wooohooo~
heehee, Judy and me had some secret snapshots of HongWei and ML(HongWei's new target)
and that whole mission was commanded by HongWei.
damn stupid la.
It's like Judy and me were pointing at my HP and creating bullshits.

Oh well, Hungry people make the most angry remarks.
But i'm so full~
I feel so nice and full?
Full again, maybe contented?
Yes. I am (:
Absolutely.

I miss riding on YanQi's bike.
Woohooo~
Thanks for giving me such adventurous ride of my life.
and i still miss slacking with you la !

2008-09-13T02:14:00.002+08:00

I'm tired.
But i just wanna blog.
I will use short sentences.
Cause i can't think properly.

These few days, i missed so many people.
I miss Kok Wei. x92830272320
I miss Wen Jie. x 891272362936
I miss Aloysius.
I miss Ivan.
I miss Stella.
I miss Seri.
I miss Amaliah.
I miss NadNad.
I miss Jun Liang.
I miss Chin Siang.
I miss Esmonde.
I miss XiuHui.
I miss Him.

Someone in class look like KokWei.
They're like duplicate.
I miss KokWei.. )):
But WeiYi isn't as cute as KokWei.
(Joking lar)

I miss WenJie.
I left my heart in Auckland.
I want to get it back so badly.
So, march i will go there.
Get my heart back.
Bring WenJie back for NS (:

I miss Him.
I left my heart with him.
Please, give it back to me?

because without it, i'm like a Zombie.
I dont have the courage to see you.
So, put it at one side.
I will go get it.
Please, stop hanging on it.

Ok.
I'm tired.
Drained out.
Headache is acting on me.
i need sweet dreams.
Bless me some?

I hope somebody misses me too :D

i wanna get next to you.
just you.
yea, you (:

BOO

2008-09-13T01:36:00.002+08:00

I saw a post that is written very funny-ly and stupid-ly.

somehow, it makes me realised that we need 3 or more people to create a nice and exciting movie :D

opps, not movie, but somehow a lousy quality "clip".

and girl,
you definitely need more people to join in the crew with you.

otherwise, this whole clip is getting more boredd.
till that time, don't blame the audience for not supporting you!
*cheers*

LMAO.

Yours Sincerely,
QingHui (:

2008-09-12T16:53:00.002+08:00

It feels SO NICE to just converse in ENGLISH.
nothing more but typing, no maths, no science, no computing, no codes.
I love cognitive, I love Communication.
I HATE SCIENCE; COMPUTING.

arghhh.
I know it won't kill to learn things out of my best.
TSK.
BUT I REALLY CANNOT DO SCIENCE AND MATHS.

bangwall.
during o level i mugged maths and science like mad, yet i get c6 and d7 respectively.
and i didnt really study geography and humanities.
i get b4 and above?

SEE. WHAT is this?

QINGHUI JIAYOU BAHS.

2008-09-10T23:41:00.002+08:00

The way Ivan worte his feeling in blog to Eileen make me miss my ex.

arghhh.

QINGHUI, jiayou LAH.
hais.

2008-09-09T15:24:00.002+08:00

is it me being the one that is paranoid,
or is it just things turn out to be like this?

because i'm getting sick of everything.
it's getting so disgusting.
getting comments abt me when you are the one that did the things.
gross, eeeew.
so, go away..

only talk to me if you wanna say something else;
otherwise, i'll be uninterested in conversation..

thanks, other comments will be much less appreciated. (:

oh ya, this week is the World Hunger Relief Week;
help them out alright! (:
You can buy the bands at KFC, A&W, PIZZAHUT..

i need to work harder to get good grades :D
and i'm always late for lessons.
QingHui QingHui, you must NOT let your lazy bones get into your way!

I TOTALLY LOVE MY COMMUNICATION FACI la!
she's a NEWS REPORTER.
I'm STARTING TO LIKE W45Q more and MORE :D .
lol.
Watched 4bia in class. but then give up watching.
BECAUSE BECAUSE i really cannot tahan ghost stories.
it's like, *roll eyes* damn irritating lor.

i'm getting back on the track (:
i just want to be myself.
fight for what i want
live the life i wanted.
(:

ahhh, i know i always preech.
ok. i stop..
heehee.

and do you know good luck always come after bad luck?
hee.

hais

2008-09-09T00:32:00.003+08:00

TELL me i'm okay..

because i actually WEEP a lil when i watched License to Wed.
OMG. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?

WAKE UP!!

I WANT TO GO AUCKLAND SO BADLY NOW.
):

and the air ticket to Auckland is like 1,500.
i will go there if i have that obscenely huge amount of money in my pocket.

gosh, you never know why i wanna go there.
because that half-kiwi wenjie wanna bring me on a road trip.
arghhhh.

damnnn!
I'm so-gonna scrimp and save my pay for Auckland!

I NEED A NEW LIFE. @(*#)(&$#(@^$#@*) !!
GET A LIFE, QINGHUI!
BOO >:(

butterflies

2008-09-08T00:36:00.005+08:00

I ... I feel like blogging now...
Just a sudden urge, so i'm satisfying myself now.
(oh yes, i know i sound wrong. hmmm)
WAHAHA.

Work is damn tired today even though i practically do NOTHING at ALL.
From 7am to 9pm.
14 damn-ed/cursed/slow/torturing/f-up/tiring HOURS.
i ate so many chocolates; like more than 4?!
Passengers gave us chocolates. heehee.

felt a little restless, so i went to play with the butterflies.
and yes, they are pretty little fragile, beautiful/easily-crushed/amazing/colourful creature.
they just light up my day.
I SWEAR i can sit there all day long just to see them flutter around me.
The butterfly garden is totally a nature retreat that consists 1000 butterflies even though i saw a few being stepped *so minus 4 or 5 butterflies.*
They have the stick and leaf insects that played hide and seek with you,
ohh ohh, and i always win when playing hide and seek.
THEREFORE, i've found them all!
heehee.
no no, i'm not trying to advertise BUT it's really very nice in there!

Work make me realise how scary i can get to,
my emotions fluctuate like from a high end to a super low end.
At times, i sat UNDER the counter peeling my finger's dead and thick skin (not on the chairs).
Some other times, i GRABBED Anmin and poked fun of him.
Another times, i keep messaging ex-collaegues; because i miss them real bad ):
Other times, i keep running to toilet, because of bad stomachache.
Sometimes, i just stared hard at one place and think so much.
hahah.

i'm like super booked at Hari Raya.
Working morning plus afternoon shift.
Which is like 7am - 3pm (morning shift in Terminal 3)
and then 3pm - 11pm (afternoon shift in Terminal 1)
tell me it's all worth it because i get 10dollars per hour.
So, ONE DAY, 160 DOLLARS!!!!
YAHHOOOO~

i know it's bored just to work everyday,
well, i also believe that i will get to enjoy my life when i have the money $$$ :D
i'm just trying to psycho myself.
Because it sucks to just work, and work, and WORK all your weekends and holidays OFF.
But least, i enjoyed;
somehow or rather..

i know i'm mad.
life is never easy before..
i have to find a way out,
before i could handle other problemmsss (:

sorry, photography skills suck.
bear with my ugly photos.
hope you see the beauty in it :D

in a mean while...
photobucket is damn fucking slow. KNN&&@^@*^#@!*%...
5 mins gone, still 69% done.
GOSHHH. i want to give up, it's like 1.19 am NOW, and there is school tml!
...
...
...
...
lalala~and lalalala~
..
..
..
patience running out~~~~..
1 song gonee.. WTF 99%..
=.=

(UGHH, i forget... i mus resize the damn photos. KNS.)

OKAY, done. =.=
finally after some minSSSS of hard work..

oh, one more thing.
forget abt the "V" sign i'm making.
out of my damn mind.
burrrrr~

better

2008-09-06T16:12:00.003+08:00

Take me away,
a secret place;
a sweet escape;
to paradise;
for hoilday~

then nobody cries,
there will only be butterflies...

i know i'll be alright (:

I can't wait to see WENJIE in the land of KIWIS =D

ughhhh, but i have to wait for march to go auckland and find you! humphhss..

lost

2008-09-06T11:45:00.005+08:00

Sometimes, it's so hard to explain why you do something when there is so many other explanations AGAINST you.
especially when there is NO TRUST between each other.
I dont think i'll need to explain since you dont see a need in it.

ughhh, it seems like i'm like a culprit for everything.

and i think i shall leave thing as it is.
Because if you think that i'm happy for doing everything till this extent,
the answer will be a big NO.

(:

And about Alex's case,
i just realised the whole damn story.
it's unbelieveable.
I just can't believe my ears.

Woah, story-collector, collecting stories abt me;
combining everything together and then target at me.
it just feel sucky when the truth come out.

i should never in the first place find the truth.
because when the truth is out, more things come to light.
when more things come to light, i THEN realise that,
people WHOM ONCE CARE DOES BITE too..

doesnt the bite feel quite painful, does it?

no, i'm not trying to have a open quarrel with you.
i just feel that you ought to know.
Dont you?

THIS WHOLE SAGA WOULD NEVER END.
So pls, END IT.

Oh ya,
W45Q is SO FUN.
When there is Jancie and Vignette..
They really you know, just brighten up my day (:
HAHA.

BOO, so many things on my mind.
I just dont know how to handle it.
Ashley and Haopeng said that i should take a break off them.
should i do this?

P/S. when choices come limited, every choice you take post a great disadvatage on you. I, sometimes, feel lost even when i can see things clearly.

what

2008-09-04T19:51:00.002+08:00

You should know i'm not feeling that good.

ughh.

It's been pouring rain lately;
i guess, my heart is pouring too..

:(

stealing

2008-09-01T23:52:00.002+08:00

Felt a lil compelled to blog because today is Michelle's birthday.
Albeit that i'm so tired now. .
TskTsk.

BUT i should give my lovely friend credits for being such a nice friend for me (:
*GRINS*

HAPPY 23rd BIRTHDAY MICHELLE(:
we're going to celebrate it later.

LALALA~

michelle bought a "just came out from toilet" blouse that is hand-chosen by Qinghui itself.
hahah.
AND BOO, my mum said i look fat in it..
BUT oh well, style must be equal to comfortable !
I feel super at home with that blouse, because i just came out of toliet from that. xP

Can i ask?
will my wildest dreamS be able to come true?
Am i silly for pursuing it?
Tell me it's all worth it.
I felt the special connections.
yes, i'm crazy.

i'm crazily into it.
crazily into it..
and it feels nice just by looking and visualizing it.
nice is the only word i can squeeze through my stupid vocab-less mind.
mundane, but nice.

tell me i am able to succeed.
tell me i am able to find what i want.
tell me i am going to get what i want.
tell me that i am not one of those boring people in this fucking boring world.
and it sucks being un-noticed.

*나는 포기할 수 없고 나가 원하는 무슨 추구 계속해서, 나가 원하는 무슨 나는 얻고!
*¡No puedo dar para arriba y guardaré en perseguir lo que deseo, y conseguiré lo que deseo!
*Je ne peux pas abandonner et je continuerai à poursuivre ce que je veux, et obtiendrai je ce que je veux !
*私はあきらめることができないし、私はほしいと思うものが私はほしいと思う、得るものが追求し続け!
(I cannot give up and i shall keep on pursuing what i want, and i will get what i want!)

hope i get it all right.

gong yoo
Gong yoo
GOng yoo
GONg yoo
GONG yoo
GONG Yoo
GONG YOo
GONG YOO
he belongs to GOH QING HUI >.<
and because this is what GOH QING HUI said so.
So, he shall be.
TRUST ME (:

(:

2008-09-01T23:10:00.004+08:00

Sometimes people aren't going to trust you;
And it may be for no reason at all.

Sometimes, people just judge you on what they think you will do;
on who they think you are.
And there's really nothing you can do about it.

But just remember one thing..
They're not cheating you, they're cheating themselves.

FOUND HIM =D

2008-08-29T22:13:00.005+08:00

Finally, i've found someone.

After all the mundane guys, finally SOMEONE for me =p

He is:

-TALL.

-BROAD SHOULDERS.

-DIMPLES on BOTH CHEEKS.

-SMALL CUTE EYES xD

-SEXY LIPS.

-FIT.

-SHORT HAIR.

-SHARP NOSE.

-SUPER SWEET.

-RICH.

Tell me, who wouldn't fall in love with a guy like this.

I'm so happy that i've found him in my LIFE.

HIP HIP HOORAY x1000000000000000 times.

never thought i would find someone that fits into my super high standard criteria.

my oh my, boy, HE DOES FIT into it eh! =D

LET ME SHOW YOU HIS PICTUREs ^^

Just two will do. I dont want anyone to snatch him away =p

SUPER GLAD THAT I've FOUND HIM.

ENVIOUS???

weeee...

BUT THE PROBLEM IS....

he hasn't found me yet ))):

THAT'S ALL.

BOOO. i shall dream of you then.

heehee

사랑해.

saranghaeyo (:

2008-08-28T01:00:00.001+08:00

ASHLEY and MICHELLE )):

i need you two.
BOOHOO.!!

can i not go and check up?

GONG YOO

2008-08-26T21:28:00.003+08:00

Saranghaeyo!

Saranghaeyo!!

Saranghaeyo!!!

Saranghaeyo!!!!

Saranghaeyo!!!!!

Saranghaeyo!!!!!!

Saranghaeyo!!!!!!!

Saranghaeyo!!!!!!!!

Saranghaeyo!!!!!!!

Saranghaeyo!!!!!!

Saranghaeyo!!!!!

Saranghaeyo!!!!

Saranghaeyo!!!

Saranghaeyo!!

Saranghaeyo!

AHHHHH SARANGHAEYO!!!! >.<

I'm SOOOOOO MAD ABOUT GONG YOO!

isnt him CUTE, is he?

OH MY, tell me i'm crazy pls >.<

DONT WATCH KOREAN SERIES, THEY GET YOU STUCK ON IT

and you MIGHT NEVER RECOVER BACK FROM THE CUTE-NESS the ACTRESS AND ACTORS have..

GONG YOO, SARANGHAEYO! >.<

okok, QINGHUI wake up wake up T.T

blessing (:

2008-08-25T23:24:00.002+08:00

hmmmm, dead on bed for 2 days le >.<
didnt go work.
Stomach ache like mad. BOO ):

and i didnt use my illness as an excuse, you guys didnt even know until now.
nah, no use talking to people who have gave up on me (:
heehee

oh ya!
Thanks Lucy for letting me sleep throughout work.
Thanks Ivan for buying Milo for me, covering my shift with Lucy and letting me nagged at work. xD
Thanks Vivek for coming early and still wanting to send me home =p
Thanks An Min for calling me and asking to recover soon, no worries, i will buy you sweets !
Thanks Marianne for sms-ing me. heehee.
Thanks Rai for talking to me, you dropped some on my burdens. =3

Thanks Michelle x3 and Ashley.
Thanks Michelle Chan, Michelle Kam and Michelle Neo for not giving me up.
Thanks Ashley for being always here and understanding me as usual and talking sense into me.
Especially Michelle Kam/Neo which listens to my naggings =P

and michelle kam, thanks for the transferred money for medication (:
can never find someone as good as you!

What am i doing?
Counting my blessings~
heehee.

i guess so..

2008-08-24T13:31:00.002+08:00

Alright, i just want to thanks Alex for the wake up call.
I will reflect on my actions.
and, i didnt promise i will come to school early just for your information.

You didnt know what happened all in all.
So, don't take it like you've known me for ages.

empty vessels make the most noise.
that's what you meant right?
i agreed on it too (:
To you, to them, i maybe one of them.
But who really knows what is happening to me?
No one does.

Do you know that i actually need to go counselling?
Do you know my health is deteriorating?
and do you know that i have Bulimia?
You don't.

and you told me that you're a FNN student.
So i guess you know what Bulimia leads to (:

When you said that i'm fat, i know you're joking.
i totally know.
But do you think i want it? Just to tell you, i don't.

I'm glad that you said that you want to accompany your honey, to support her.
Good, because it shows that you're a good boyfriend.
But the last minute withdrawl is because of me?
Just don't push the blame on me.
I hate it when people do this.
Don't make me laugh?
Have i really got such big power on influencing you?
I don't think so..

If you don't want to go, just say it.
Don't say that i'm the one..

"Some give you chance and go out with you despite my withdrawal"
so you mean that you actually wanted to psycho the whole lot of them not to go out with me?
Alex, thanks.
I didn't know you're such kind of people.
and again, just for your information.
you're the one that organised the firework.
you remember?
or you don't. Opps...
And even if you don't give me face, at least.
at least, give face for michelle, haopeng, joey and huiru.
because they didnt go cause of me, they go cause of you who organised the whole firework.
(and to TinGuan, i didnt go this outing because of firework.)

"Put it bluntly, I got so many friends and it is okay for me to lose one. I have their supports as much as I support them."
Wow, i didnt know losing one friend is nothing to you.
haha, you make me laugh at my foolish-ness.
Because when you said that you gave up on me, i feel a surge of heartache.
but i didnt know you add on with this sentence.
maybe good things come in pair.
they just add on to your heartache.

maybe.

you said that you gave up on me?
It's okay.
Because i've gave up on myself too. (:

woo.

2008-08-23T00:09:00.003+08:00

It really pissed me off when *Hilary keep whinning that she wants to vomit.
Because i already did what i can do to show her all the sour stuffs that can be bought.
And Hilary choose none to save herself from the naueous feeling but just keep on whinning that she's so damn full and then she's on the verge of vomitting. =.="
Tell me, what can i do?

Huh? Tell me should i carry her when i didnt eat any fucking things except a bowl of teeny weeny congee that cannot even last me for an hour?
Or should i run to 7-11 to buy something that she likes?

It's just so funny when she herself dont even want to buy, and then you guys pushing all the fault on to me.
She wants something sour? i also need something to fill my hungry stomach that is damn fucking pain.
Oh, did i tell you guys i had a gastric pain just now?
i forget, she's more important.. (:

and stop saying that i dont want to ask you guys to go together.
because someone wants to vomit so badly and me?
nevermind la, i just have some "minor headache" (and i didnt tell you all i have gastric pain).
so i should accompany her right? (:
i know, that's why i went to 7-11 with you guys.

I don't know. Maybe i had a huge headache that really really affects my mood.
Or maybe i'm just super hungry plus a stupid headache that make me as dangerous as a Volcano.
Oh, not maybe. It affects..

No one cares whether i'm hungry or not.
When i eat something i like it so much (cotton candy), someone said something so insensitive to me.
Oh, i'm sorry maybe i'm just feeling super cranky because i ate nothing at all (:
nah, it's my fault for not eating before i come.

yes like someone who vowed, i promise, today will be the second last.
and sentosa will be the last.
oh ya, i will eat damn fucking full before i go. (: no worries ya.
I wont even beg you all to go with me...

fireworks is nice (:
least it lifted up my mood for a while.

i have to sleep.
gosh! not enough sleep le.

*names changed to keep identity sealed.
and please be reminded this is my ranting place.
so i have absolute right to say what i feels.
Because the feeling of "no one listens" really sucks. (:
so, if you dont like it.
i really have no idea what i can do..

NO HARD FEELINGS peep! (:

woken up?

2008-08-19T17:03:00.002+08:00

I've decided to excel in my super duper lousy ENGLISH!!

and not to say my CHINESE TOO!!

I want to be good in my languages since my head cannot squeeze in science and maths..

THEREFORE, i want to read 2 BOOKS in ONE MONTH.

i also want to learn SPANISH and FRENCH.
Nevertheless, i will still want to continue my PIANO DREAM after everything is done.

And no, i didnt forget my ambitions.
i promise, i will achieve them one by one.

Since i'm so cursed in FATE.
I shall WORK on SOMETHING that DOESNT REQUIRE FATE;
THAT IS MYSELF (:

It's NOT about how GOOD you CAN BE, BUT how GOOD you WANNA BE!

QINGHUI, jiayou jiayou!
PULL up your SOCKS and get yourself going! (:

很多事都在我不能预料中，
在我没办法去保护自己时发生。
把自己害得全身都是好深的伤。
我，在那时刻，领悟了。。。

DING DONG!

2008-08-17T17:07:00.003+08:00

Wow, busy busy month I’m leading right now.
Work.Outing.Work.Outing.
Tsk, never ending.

This week my Taiwan relatives came over to my house because my Grandmother just passed away.
And, because of them, I had never ending laughter, jokes, and not to say, FOOD !
Even though the real intention is my Grandmother but it's not yet 49 days.
So, we can't go to the cemetry.

Yes, Huihui gaining weight already )):
I guess what I’ve jogged cannot burn what I’ve eaten these few days.
The amount is INCREDBILE much.
Congrats HuiHui, you’re a BINGE! ):
HAHA!

Oh yes, super happy about one thing.
I WENT TO NIGHT SAFARI!
Heehee. It’s pretty interesting, but what a pity, we didn’t take the trail walk.
We just sat on the tram for 25 – 30 mins.
And what makes it more pity is that, no phototakings.
ok, actually we can, but it's so dark in there.
But no flashes are allowed.
So, BOOHOO~ no pictures )):
Well, memories will be good enough for me!
heehee (:

DingDong DingDong!!!!
one more thing!
My workplace got a huge amount of BOOKS piling up !!
Let me tell you what I’ve took. =p
Oops, and I’ve forgotten to tell you.
It’s a secret!

Books are my current addiction now.
Hehee. *lalala*

First,
The Five People you meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom.

Second,
Me talk Pretty one day by David Sedaris.

Third,
Alphabet weekends (Love on the road from A to Z) by Elizabeth Noble.

Fourth,
The Lost Duke of Wyndham by Julia Quinn.

Fifth,
Two Caravans by Marina Lewycka.

Sixth,
The Pure Lady by Alan Spence.

Seventh,
Here on Earth by Alice Hoffman.

Eighth,
The Boy by Jodi Piccoult.

So, make a guess.
How long will my addiction last?
hmmm. i also dont know.

not to say, but i've started picking up good habits.
hee.
Jogging, Reading, Working, Playing Comp for only a bit per day(for a lil leaisure).

Didn't know that HuiHui could be so "WOW, you're finally not a crazy girl"
HAHAH!
Shock Shock? =p

YOU SHOULD BE.
Treasure this moment, cause i can bet my head.
It's not gonna last!
Wahahaha!

Enjoy everyone. (:

2008-08-14T08:57:00.002+08:00

I guess i always have problems with other people.
Maybe due to my character.
Think so.. *sigh*
Life isn't as pleasant as what storybook promised as it is..
But I guess my bigger flaw is my character.
I always keep things from people,
I stayed quiet not telling anything,
all these.. Isn’t there to create miscommunication between us….

Not because I don't trust you all.
Not because I feel insecure about myself; about what I’m doing.

But because I know I can handle problems on my own,
or rather it's the problem between that person and me.
So, why let you guys get involved and put all in great disadvantage?
The most important part is,
because I need people (especially YOU) to trust me...
I need people to trust me that i can cross over a hurdle.
I need people to trust me that i can survive during a big crisis.
I need your trust, your support.
But I don’t need your siding, like how you supported that person.
Like how you throw me away when you didn’t get acknowledgement from me.
And all these happened because I wanted you to trust me.
It's that easy, if you had.
"If" is the word.
All wouldn't have happened.
Did you trust me all along, or did you forget? (:
and I don't want arguments to happen when things go wrong.
I don't want you to worry about me.
Because I know, I know HuiHui has the abilities to pick up the rotten pieces.
And even though, I love to linger in the past.
BUT I know, ME, GOH QING HUI will move on (be it reluctantly or willingly) to be a better person.

That is, IF you had trusted me.. in the first place (:
Viola~

So, after everything, after this semester ended,
you get what I’m doing?
I hope, for now.
Everything will end..

Reality VS Dream
Head VS Heart
Fighting VS Living Struggling VS Relaxing
Real VS Fake

Which side are you on?

I don't know.
Am I waiting?
Am I still fighting for my own right?
Am I still stuck?
I hope I’m not.
Because he don't deserve it.
I deserve a better one.. (:

OH YA. TINGUAN~ I'm so PAISEH la!!
Anyway I’m still glad that I can talk to him despite all the stupid things i said.

and i didnt know i can have so much hatred in such a small heart.
I guess, it's overflowing..

heehee.
Last day of school was ok.
But I’m so tired.
Shared and bought a high heel for Michelle.
LOL. I just give little bit only. =p
Hope she like it. (:

I wanted to write something more on my emotions.
But it's filling with hatred )):
I don’t want to write something that is filled with anger.

Happiness, don't go far away from me.
To have happiness is such easy thing to do.
But to maintain it, will it be difficult as getting it?

HuiHui, you have to wait okay..
Have some patience.
Time will show you everything. (:

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me
Almost lovers always do..

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be..

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done...

I wanna go Zoo, SOMEONE! Bring me there ):

Happy Birthday Michelle!

2008-08-11T20:02:00.002+08:00

i'm back to my jogging frenzy days!
((:
i want to be more slim !
i want to change, yes change!

So many things happened.
Sorted out everythingg ((:
heehee.

Huihui is back!!

Oh ya, today is MICHELLE'S BIRTHDAY LAHHH!
Happy Birthday Princess.
Hope you have a wonderful year ahead~!
and i think i know your 3rd wish (:
believe in yourself, give it a try.
and who knows, it might come true.
cause i know, in everyone's case, miracle does happen.. (:
Never give up!
Jiayou (: MUACKKKKSSSS!

one who loses friend, loses much.
But one who loses faith, loses all (:

heehee
Went ORCHARD. LOL.
I just can't stop touching TinGuan, Elmi and Darren..
HAHA!
hmmmm, tomorrow last day of W47E.

I don't know how will i be feeling.
My reflexes are damn slow..
i hope that i will be okay.
*Pray hard hard*

HOHOHO, and you know what.
TinGuan give me a kiss. xDD
heehee.
Shall give him more tomorrow! =p
He said "i dont anyhow kiss ppl one"
but he still kiss me !
opps!

Teehehehee.

I'm feeling good now?
heehee.
but sometimes still have the heart-wrenching/heart-crunching feeling ):
i dont know why.

2008-08-06T20:31:00.002+08:00

if i could,
if i could,
i would put everything down.
that is, if i could....

but too bad, i have to.
let me learn the hard way,
let me stand strong.
Because i have to independent.
Because; i have to regain everything on my feet again.
because....
HuiHui has to be strong right?? ((:

can't be wistful in the past.
since i knew that not everyone can stand by me.
i have to learn; learn to be alone
learn to be strong;
learn not to be so vulnerable;
learn to be selfish;
learn how to be myself..

You know, just take everything and leave.
I don't need it at all (:
I don't.

Trust me; i'm able to get back on my feet swiftly
this time, even faster (:

2008-08-05T23:24:00.001+08:00

Great, it was them, then my grandma, then YOU.

Proven, promises are MEANT to be broken (:

Cheers.
i dont know whether should i cry or laugh.

2008-08-05T14:55:00.004+08:00

HuiHui is so tired of losing everything.
Just leave me alone..
I don't know wanna know.
I don't wanna see.

Just go.

Tell me, really, what am i losing now?

give me some hints,
give me some time to be prepared.
Don't be so hard on me.

I need time.
I really need time to arrange my feelings.

Just stayed with me for a while more and go.
Don't leave me hanging there.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
no, you can go.
i need to learn to grow up.

HuiHui. jiayou ah
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou
jiayou.

好奇怪的是，我的心好痛好痛。
因为连朋友也要这样子。

why?
why when i always gained back my smiles;
someone dear to me (be it friends or anyone) has to take it away from me?
why?

i miss my grandmother terribly..

Where is my umbrella?

2008-08-03T00:59:00.000+08:00

Jut reminiscing....
No more...
No more kissing me on my forehead while I'm small.
No more looking at her while she sleeps away..
No more asking her to protect me when my parents want to beat me.
No more family gathering because of her presence..
No more..
Everything is gone.

And yeap, i miss her terribly.
Things happened so fast..
And till certain extent, I've moved on..
But yet, at some point, i didn't even move an inch....

I don't know.
Maybe my reflexes are slow, i only feel the heart pain until now.
And thanks W47E for supporting me during this phrase of my bits and pieces of life.
Thanks Aloysius to come down and visit me even you just finished your swimming training..
Thanks Jerome for letting me nag at him for the most ridiculous reason.
Thanks Ashley and Michelle though you guys can't it.
Thanks XiuHui for telling me that I'm not the only one cause she understand my pain too..
Thanks. I couldn't express my gratitude more.

I don't know what is an ending and what is a beginning..
Ending because something had happened or
beginning because everything has ended?

Lost.
Speechless.
Moodless.
I think i need some time to arrange my feelings back.
To get back myself.

Oh, and i sprained my ankle.
See, how stupid am i.
Sigh.. I don't know whyy.

0011; 30/07/08

2008-08-01T00:38:00.000+08:00

The smell of Death still lurks in my nose...
I just feel that everything happened so fast,
so fast that i could hardly accept the fact that she's gone.

I have a huge craving for sweet stuffs.
And i thought SUGAR can make me happy.
I gobble so many chocolates, sweets..
Yet, nothing seems to help..

I thought she'd be fine.
I thought she's going to come out from hospital.
I thought.. she can survive longer after the medication.

Everything seems to be in a vague after she left.
and i wonder why..
I feel so restless..
And will our family still have the normal gathering as usual?

Why Why Why?
I just feel lost.
I thought i won't cry.
I thought i wont feel that heartpain.
But i'm just so wrong.

Guess life is always like this.
Everytime i'm alone,
The heart crunching feeling just act up so fast that i could even block it.

I should get going...
30/07/2008 the glamorous day that she leave her sufferings at 0011.
I'm glad that so many people were there to send her off.
I'm glad i'm there.
I'm glad.
i'm glad.
so glad. i cannot explained how happy i am.
I didnt miss anything.
I talked to her.
I held her hands like how she would hold mine when i'm small.

and i think,
i'm missing her more than usual (:

2008-07-28T17:26:00.000+08:00

I find it so hard to find comfort from others.
Especially from Family where you thought most comfort could come from.

When you are so lost,
hoping someone could guide you but yet they just pour more cold water on me.
Pushing all the blames, expecting me to take it.
Yet, they dont understand,
all i ever wanted is some comfort.

So sad, friends like this.
Families like this.
I wonder who will only help me when i am down.
and i know, only me myself can help myself.

i'm just all so drained out from everything.
i hope it will end.
Really. Just end.

pathetic as it seems.
that's how life works.
IT SUCKS..

AND I HATE THIS.

2008-07-24T22:29:00.000+08:00

New Blog! (: